She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
