Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
