dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
