Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
love makes seman taste better
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
