You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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