Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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