i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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