Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
