I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize