Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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