you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
