Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize