last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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