My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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