smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
