just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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