Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My vagina is officially offended.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
