i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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