Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
