and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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