allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
