you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
