I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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