I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
