I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
