just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
