Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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