Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
