You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
