K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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