Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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