Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
