dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
