I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
