Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
