Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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