I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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