I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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