I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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