A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
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