I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
