Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
