mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
