I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
