I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
