woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
