i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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