we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
