coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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