I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
