turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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