Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
