one might say we're banned from that church
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
