so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
