What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
