So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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