dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
