Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
