Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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