i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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