A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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