A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize