how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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