Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
