I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
