theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Boobs are out for the taking
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
