I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
