I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
